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Intro - My Life in Automobile Years

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  • Intro - My Life in Automobile Years

    Hello everyone, I'm Travis! I columbus'd MCM on YouTube recently, and haven't stopped watching since (Seriously. Haven't stopped. Hope I still have a job...) I love working on cars, and I'd do it full time if I could (maybe one day). I figured it was appropriate for this intro to give a little vehicle biography; here's my life in auto-years.

    It all started out in 2005 with my Dad's old 1997 Ford F-150. It had a 4.6L Triton V8 in it, and I loved it. She got me from A to Z, and she taught me how to powerslide around county dirt roads. That lil Triton had low-end torque out the wazoo. A few years after high school, my Dad sold her to buy me her slightly younger, slightly less attractive, slightly cigarette-smelly sister: Ole Blacky.

    Blacky was a 2001 F-150 with the 4.2L V6 snore-block. Blacky didn't last long; she just wasn't exciting enough to keep me awake when I drove her. In fact, she met her demise when I fell asleep on one of the many long, flat, straight highways in New Mexico. The event led me to ponder the question: if a truck rolls 6 times in New Mexico, and no-one is there to hear it, does your insurance still go up?? In all seriousness, I'm lucky and very thankful to be alive. Blacky kept me alive, and although boring, she was mine, and I loved her.

    But as we all learn as we go through life, there are our first crushes, but then there is our first true love. And Black Betty was my first true love. Black Betty was a 2011 Ford Raptor with a 6.2L Boss V8 that screamed like Satan's mountain lion. Betty didn't just drive around. She stood still and the world rotated under her BFG All-Terrains. She didn't get MPGs; she got GPMs. But this love was not fated to last. I had to sell Black Betty when I had to move to Germany for work; there's nothing that I regret more than that.

    But Germany was my vehicular renaissance. I discovered Audis, BMWs, VWs, Mercedes, and this thing called the autobahn where you can drive said German machines with no speed limit. I owned several cars in my 3 years there, but one stands out far and above the rest: Katy. She was low. She was mean. Where Betty roared, Katy growled. And that growl was enough to put both fear and excitement deep into the driver's loins. She was a 2009 BMW E92 M3, with a N/A 4.0L V8 that hit a benchmark of engineering that few production engines in history have: 100 HP per 1.0 L of displacement. The E92 M3 is hands down one of the all-time best sports cars ever produced, and I had never driven anything like it. It truly was an ultimate driving machine. But Katy didn't have a US visa (she was euro-spec), so she couldn't come home to the States with me when I returned from Germany.

    When I came back home, I had started dating this she-devil, soul-sucking woman who somehow convinced me it was a good idea to get something "practical." Walker is definitely practical. He's useful as hell, especially with that diamond plate bed cover on him (paid for itself in my move, hauling furniture & whatnot). He gets me from A-Z, and does so with decent fuel mileage. Walker is a 2009 Ford Ranger Sport 4x4 with a 4.0L Koln V6 and a good ole bullet-proof 8.8" Ford rear-end. And although he's no Black Betty, I still love him. I reckon I'll get something exciting soon, I'm gettin that itch that only fellow autophiles such as yourselves understand when it's been far too long since you've burned rubber and pissed off the neighbors...

    And so, my Auto-biography (see what I did there) comes to a close. Hope y'all have enjoyed reading, and hope I'm not puttin anyone to sleep. I'll leave y'all with a big ole Texas Hello! and a toast as I finish my evening beer: Raise another round, boys, and have another glass; be thankful for today, knowing it will never last; still let's leave the world laughin when our eulogies are read; may we all get to heaven 'fore the Devil knows we're dead!
    Ole Blacky. Thanks for keeping me alive, girl. My one true love... Black Betty Katy (aka CATI - Come And Take It)
    Last edited by jts2017; 07-12-2017, 04:09 PM.
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